When people tell you, “That was very kind,” do you respond, “Huh?” in surprise, or ignore it in some way? what do you feel deep inside of you?
Some people are able to maintain a strong sense of themselves, having some attribute/quality such as being worthy, capable, kind, confident, fearless, lovable, persistent etc. even when situations or others around them contradict these qualities.
There are also some people who are dependent upon others to continually re-assure them about an attribute/quality even though they demonstrate it in their behaviour, and they may deny or even not take it seriously, no matter how many positive examples they have experienced.
When someone thinks of themselves as having a certain quality such as being ‘fearless’, it indicates that they have a positive self-concept with regard to that quality. Since they have this basis for inner knowing, they don’t need others to tell them.
When someone says, “I don’t think of myself as fearless,” we need to dive deep to know what their actual inner experience is. Simply put, they don’t have a positive self-concept. They might not have stored sufficient experiences (either positive or negative) in their thoughts that provide any evidence about whether they are really ‘fearless’ or not.
Self-concept is a comprehensive evaluation of the SELF - largely based on how a person sees themselves, values themselves, thinks about themselves and feels about themselves. A person’s self-concept significantly influences their behaviour because it makes the person dictate to themselves what they might be or may not be able to accomplish.
All of us hold beliefs and biases about different areas of our life, be it social – “I am kind, extrovert” etc , physical – “I am ugly, fat” etc., our competencies – “I am a good writer” , emotional states – “I am short tempered”, intelligence – “I am a quick learner” , family or roles - “ I am a good parent”.
An understanding of your Self-Concept can help you understand why you see the world the way you do, why you feel the way you feel and most importantly, why you make the decisions of your life the way you do!
So, take a moment to reflect upon the - YOU. What positive and negative attributes do you believe to have in your SELF?
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